What goes up, must come down, right?
For baseballs thrown in the air, yes, for people taking too much viagra, not necessarily.
Warning!! Warning!! Warning!! Don’t google priapism at work. In fact, don’t google it at all, especially if you are a male. It made me cry. Awful, disturbing, and terrible pictures await you there.
Ok, are you back from looking?
For those of you wise enough not to google, let me enlighten you. But, in order to keep this entry PG, I will be substituting words to keep you comfortable.
Mentally sit down around the electronic campfire and hear a story. I’ve decided to use terms from Harry Potter.
You see children, priapism is when the special part of a man, let’s call it “the Voldemort,” gets really firm. Normally, when a man and woman love each other very much, they can make sweet sweet Dumbledore to each other. After making Dumbledore, the Voldemort normally becomes quite Hermione after you Quidditch in a woman’s Hagrid.
However, sometimes men have difficulty getting the Voldemort completely firm, or, in medical terms, Neville. If a man uses a potion or elixir to make the Voldemort artificially Neville, it can become Neville for a prolonged period of time and become quite painful. This is called priapism, and it is no laughing matter (tee hee). Several options exist to try solve the riddle of priapism. You can try a drug called Terbutaline which rarely works. Other, more horrendous options exist which actually do work. One can perform a ring block around the Voldemort and ram a 19 gauge needle into the Voldemort and drain off several ounces of Weasley.
Another option is to inject Phenylephrine directly into the Voldemort. This is what the Urologist suggested to me one time when I had an uncomfortable man with a fully Neville Voldemort even after Quiddiching. So I looked right into his Voldemort’s one good eye and plunged in for the kill. I would have yelled, if not for my awkwardness at grabbing another guys fully Neville Voldemort. Five minutes later, his Voldemort was no longer Neville. In fact it was completely Hermione, so everyone was happy.
Sometimes, my job is just weird.