Do it for the Turtles!

So here’s the story about a child terrified to poop.

This was not my child.  When my child poops, she tells you. LOUDLY.  No matter where you are in the house, she loudly announces “I pooped!” every time she goes.

But not all lives are so simple.

A close friend of mine has a child who refuses to go on the potty.


Well, because as soon as you flush, the poop goes into the sewers.

You know who lives in the sewers?

That’s right.

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

The child did not want to poop on the ninja turtles. I’m not sure where the breakdown in real versus fake starts for kids.

For some reason, the thought that four turtles could mutate into talking, crime fighting ninjas who are taught by a rat, live in a sewer, and love pizza is fine.  All poop in the world in this child’s mind goes to this sewer, but one more person pooping on them is just too far.

Kudos to kid logic I suppose. I know I’d feel distraught if Michelangelo was trying to get radical while eating a slice of pizza and a giant turd fell on him, though to be honest, I think it might make for some interesting episodes.

Fortunately, the parents convince their child that the ninja turtles lived in New York so his poop would not hit the turtles.  Granted, there are a few cartoon characters I wouldn’t mind sending a giant brown bomb to.

Scrappy-Doo?  Yeah, that stupid puppy is just asking to be dumped on. I know I’d pay good money to see it happen to Calloiu.  Oh, and don’t get me started on Snarf from the Thundercats.  That creepy bastard would probably like it.

I had a point somewhere.

Oh, right, kids are so illogical. Well, actually no. Poop goes to sewer… so don’t poop on imaginary friends, that makes sense.  I think adults are often more illogical.


Where to begin the rant… Let me spin the giant wheel of pet peeves bzzzzrrrrrt…..

How about my recent discussion to a patient who still smokes.



Me: Smoking kills you. It makes your heart and lungs die and causes cancer everywhere.

Smoker: Nah. I like it, and I read about one guy who smoked till he was 100.

Me: You have emphysema and can’t walk 4 steps without stopping to catch your wheezy breath.

Smoker: Nah

Me: And you just ker-sploded your face since you keep smoking while using oxygen.

Smoker: Nah, I don’t think that was from the cigarette.

Me:  OK, but you’re killing a ninja turtle every time you smoke

Smoker: The ninja turtle?

Me: Yeah, cigarettes end up in the sewer, and all the carcinogens are ruining his ability to fight crime.

Smoker: Really? Well, I’ll just have to make sure not to flush any more down the toilet.  I’ll be sure only to smoke outside.

Me: At least you’ll be getting some exercise.



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