Strangers 2

Sometimes the oddest thing about being an ER doc is that people have absolutely no problem opening up to you.  Now, most of the time I am perfectly fine with this.  I want my patients to feel free to share the details about their lives that may be pertinent to their medical problems.

However, I feel that sometimes patients have repress their feelings for so long that coming to the ER can be a cathartic experience where I am a pseudo-priest and they can divulge everything weird they have ever done in their life.

Me: Hello ma’am, what seems to be the problem today?

Her: I sat on a nest of fire ants.

Me: WHOA!  That must be excruciating, we’ll help you with this problem.

Her: Well, it was thirty years ago, but my anus was on fire.  I did it when I was drunk and in college after losing a bet, but never told anyone.

Me: Uh-huh.  So why’re you here today?

Her:  I covered myself in honey and then threw rocks at a beehive while singing the flight of the bumblebee.

Me: Okay, was this today?

Her: No, that was five years ago.

Me: Another lost bet?

Her: No, just bored.

Me:  Sure, that’s not insane at all.  Any non-insect problems bringing you here today?

Her: Oh, today?  No, I’m just visiting my sister in room 13, thanks for listening.

Me: No problem, I’ll be over here gouging out my mind’s eye with a golf pencil.

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