So the CDC recently came out with new recommendations about narcotics.
Let me summarize: Don’t give everyone narcotics.
After several years of studies, it turns out that people really like drugs.
Some ER’s have gone so far as to no longer prescribe any opiates out of their ER. (It’s true, click here!). I have mixed feelings about this. I know thousands are addicted to these drugs, and some even go on to much worse addictions such as heroin. This is bad. Bad bad bad. However, I do feel some medical problems (kidney stones, broken bones, etc) requires something stronger than a Tylenol and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle bandaid.
Such a dilemma.
I don’t want to create or facilitate the continuation of addiction, but at the same time, I fear neglecting patients with serious acute pain.
Then I found the answer to all of the problems.
All I have to do is get all my patients to treat their ailments with scorpions.
All I have to do is get my patients addicted to scorpions.
I know what you are thinking, is this like the Krokodil drug that has a cute name but causes horrific skin problems? (only click if you have a strong stomach)
What are scorpions?
Well, it turns out these are actually the venomous animal.
Well, it’s not some fancy street term for a wacky new drug.
This is something I found on the internet, so, you know, it like, totally has to be true and junk.
This may be a total load of crap, but part of me hopes this is real.
I understand that bonkers crazy idiots are doing this because they are nutballs… however…
I would love to prescribe scorpions stings to people to treat their pain.
All that I could think of when watching this was a cartoon (Sealab 20201) I saw years ago, and it made me feel all warm inside (much like getting stung!) with the nostalgia.
This scene is where a guy is pinned under a pop machine and he befriends a scorpion he calls “Ben…” OK, well, it doesn’t need to make sense to be fantastic.