Quotes Heard in the ER: Volume 9



Rob Cartoon


Patient: “Graaaah! Graaaaaah!!!  GRAAAAAAAAAH!”

Me:  “So what’s she here for?”

Other Doc: “Well, not shortness of breath.”





Nurse: “You can’t be standing in the middle of the hall naked.”

Patient: “Well, I do have my hat on.”





ER Worker: “Was the amputation traumatic?”

Patient: “Well, it didn’t fall off itself.”





Midlevel Provider:  “I think this child suffers from affluenza.  I think he’s a little overspoiled.”





Nurse: “Y’all are hot today.”

Me:  “Well I did put a little extra hair gel in.”

Nurse: “That was worth the extra squirt.”




Nurse:  “Aw, man.  I hate getting raped and taking a nap.”





Patient: “Don’t give me any sulfa or my dick will fall off.”




Doc:  “How much do you smoke?”

Patient: “A shit-ton dude.  I’m just drunk, don’t waste time on me.”




Nurse:  “I know!  I love a fast poop, you get that poopgasm.”




Scribe:  “What bothered me in cadaver lab was when the professor touched a cadaver with her pen, and then put the pen in her mouth.”

PCA: “Well, she must have had worse things in her mouth than that, right?”





Patient (during pelvic exam):  “Sorry dad, I gotta go, getting my poonana checked.”




And, just for the record, ICD10 code W56.22:  “Struck by orca, initial encounter.”  Yeah, that’s an actual code (click here for proof!)




Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *