Quotes #6


Things overheard in the ER…

 

Doc:  “He is just so fricking tight…  I mean his lungs.  I hate you guys.”

 

 

Nurse: “I think I’ve found out the mystery of my poop”

 

 

Doc to Resident:   “So what’s wrong with her”

Resident:  “Um, well, she’s old?”

Doc:   “Correct!”

 

 

Nurse:  “Your nipples make my back hurt”

 

 

Nurse to Patient:  “So what’s bringing you in today”

Patient: <turns around and spreads butt cheeks>

 

 

Rob:  “I’m going to my hole to dictate.”

Nurse:  “Enjoy your hole.”

Rob:  “Thank you.”

 

 

Patient:  “Can you still get pregnant after getting your gall bladder out?”

 

 

Nurse:   “She had MRSA in her vagina?  Did someone take the garbage out in her crotch?”

 

 

Registration:  “May I enter?”

Nurse:  “I tried that on a date once…”

 

 

Patient:  “My doctor is doctor Dennis.  You know, like  when you go to the Dennis for your teeth.”

 

 

EMS:  “Well if you squeeze it really hard, it will come out…”

 

 

Doc:  “An internal medicine  discharge is  different than discharge in the ER the vast majority of the time.”

 

 

PA:  “Sorry, what?  I just crawled out of a massive pannis.”

 

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Patient:  “As I said,  I was murdered twice and they replaced my feet.”

 

 

Nurse: “Her abdomen… is just… shapes.”

 

 

Patient: “I haven’t eaten anything in over two weeks.”

Doc:   “Nothing?  Nothing at all?”

Patient: “Nothing, well, I’ve been nibbling.”

 

 

Doc:  “And here’s the remote for your TV.”

Patient: “No.  No thank you.  I’m very good at staring at walls.”

 

 

P.A.  “You know the one, he looks like a hippy-spastic-turtle with glasses.”

 

 

Disruptive alcoholic being escourted out: “What was my alcohol level?”

Security: “I  don’t know anything about that because I’m not a doctor or a test kit.”

 

 

 

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