ER Quotes, Round 11

Some quotes heard in some ER somewhere.



Feces on a stick (huge street vender fly selling shit)

Random ER person: I just unleashed a dump the entire length of my colon

Nurse:  And I bet the turd gobbler just wouldn’t eat the whole thing





Nurse (getting a temperature on young child)

Mom: At home I do it in the butt

Nurse: Um… ok





Scribe: Where is that guys illeostomy

Doctor: In his Illeum.

Scribe: Ah, thank you.




Doctor: Are you sexually active

Patient: No, I just lay there.





Scribe:  I feel like “menorrhagia” should be a casino on the Vegas Strip, but I don’t want to stay there.





Doc: What’s up

Nurse Practitioner: Not much, but just don’t ask that to my patient with priapism…






Doc: I think you had a seizure

Patient: No, I know I didn’t

Doc: Well, everything points to a seizure.

Patient: No, it wasn’t

(30 seconds later, patient has another seizure)





Patient:  “Sex abuse? Well, I haven’t had sex int 15 years, I’d call that abuse!”




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