Some quotes heard in some ER somewhere.
Random ER person: I just unleashed a dump the entire length of my colon
Nurse: And I bet the turd gobbler just wouldn’t eat the whole thing
Nurse (getting a temperature on young child)
Mom: At home I do it in the butt
Nurse: Um… ok
Scribe: Where is that guys illeostomy
Doctor: In his Illeum.
Scribe: Ah, thank you.
Doctor: Are you sexually active
Patient: No, I just lay there.
Scribe: I feel like “menorrhagia” should be a casino on the Vegas Strip, but I don’t want to stay there.
Doc: What’s up
Nurse Practitioner: Not much, but just don’t ask that to my patient with priapism…
Doc: I think you had a seizure
Patient: No, I know I didn’t
Doc: Well, everything points to a seizure.
Patient: No, it wasn’t
(30 seconds later, patient has another seizure)
Patient: “Sex abuse? Well, I haven’t had sex int 15 years, I’d call that abuse!”