Just some stuff overheard in any random ER.
Doc1: I had a chlamydia shift last night.
Doc1: It was just a painful drip all night long
Nurse Practitioner: The doc made her cry, but I also made her cry cause she’s an idiot. What? I’m a nurse too. I know idiots!
PA: This hallway, gah, this hallway! You know, we should bottle the hallway scent and give it to farms to keep, like, everything on earth away.
Nurse1: Well, maybe the Foley catheter isn’t draining because it’s in the vagina, not the bladder. It’s in the wrong frigging hole!
Nurse2: We’ve all been there before, right?
Patient: I’m allergic to insulin
Doc: What’s your allergy?
Patient: It drops my blood sugar.
Doc: Um, that’s not really, well, nevermind.
PA: Hey, good news, that patient has pulses.
Doc: That IS good news
Patient (loudly): My saliva is leaking from my toes and coming out my mouth!
Nurse: What is the point of living if you can’t eat carbs?
Patient: I have this thing in my knee, I’m pretty sure it’s a biscuit
Doc: Do you mean a Bakers cyst?
Patient: That’s it!
Doc: What do you call it if you fall after thanksgiving? The tryptophan tripped and fell… What! That was good!
Nurse: Oh, I didn’t know you were left handed
Patient: Well, I whack off with my right
Nurse: Ah. Thanks for that.
Patient (after swallowing 4 baby aspirin): You know, these would be better if they were bacon flavored.
Nurse: Sorry. You were born very weird, not my problem.
Doc: Just because someone’s pooping out their pee hole does not mean they’re dying.
Nurse: Brandt, you’d be really fun on drugs.
Me: Thank you?
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