ER Quotes: Round 12


Just some stuff overheard in any random ER.

Nurse helpful

 

Doc1: I had a chlamydia shift last night.

Doc2: Huh?

Doc1: It was just a painful drip all night long

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nurse Practitioner:  The doc made her cry, but I also made her cry cause she’s an idiot. What?  I’m a nurse too.  I know idiots!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PA:  This hallway, gah, this hallway! You know, we should bottle the hallway scent and give it to farms to keep, like, everything on earth away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nurse1: Well, maybe the Foley catheter isn’t draining because it’s in the vagina, not the bladder. It’s in the wrong frigging hole!

Nurse2: We’ve all been there before, right?

 

Not sure

 

 

 

 

Patient: I’m allergic to insulin

Doc:  What’s your allergy?

Patient: It drops my blood sugar.

Doc: Um, that’s not really, well, nevermind.

 

peanut

 

 

 

 

PA:  Hey, good news, that patient has pulses.

Doc: That IS good news

 

 

 

 

 

 

Patient (loudly):  My saliva is leaking from my toes and coming out my mouth!

 

 

 

 

 

Nurse:  What is the point of living if you can’t eat carbs?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Patient: I have this thing in my knee, I’m pretty sure it’s a biscuit

Doc:  Do you mean a Bakers cyst?

Patient: That’s it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doc:  What do you call it if you fall after thanksgiving?  The tryptophan tripped and fell…  What! That was good!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nurse: Oh, I didn’t know you were left handed

Patient: Well, I whack off with my right

Nurse: Ah.  Thanks for that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Patient (after swallowing 4 baby aspirin): You know, these would be better if they were bacon flavored.

 

 

 

 

 

Nurse:  Sorry.  You were born very weird, not my problem.

 

 

 

 

 

Doc:  Just because someone’s pooping out their pee hole does not mean they’re dying.

 

 

 

 

 

Nurse:  Brandt, you’d be really fun on drugs.

Me:  Thank you?

 

 

 

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