ER Quotes: Round 12

Just some stuff overheard in any random ER.

Nurse helpful


Doc1: I had a chlamydia shift last night.

Doc2: Huh?

Doc1: It was just a painful drip all night long








Nurse Practitioner:  The doc made her cry, but I also made her cry cause she’s an idiot. What?  I’m a nurse too.  I know idiots!








PA:  This hallway, gah, this hallway! You know, we should bottle the hallway scent and give it to farms to keep, like, everything on earth away.








Nurse1: Well, maybe the Foley catheter isn’t draining because it’s in the vagina, not the bladder. It’s in the wrong frigging hole!

Nurse2: We’ve all been there before, right?


Not sure





Patient: I’m allergic to insulin

Doc:  What’s your allergy?

Patient: It drops my blood sugar.

Doc: Um, that’s not really, well, nevermind.







PA:  Hey, good news, that patient has pulses.

Doc: That IS good news







Patient (loudly):  My saliva is leaking from my toes and coming out my mouth!






Nurse:  What is the point of living if you can’t eat carbs?







Patient: I have this thing in my knee, I’m pretty sure it’s a biscuit

Doc:  Do you mean a Bakers cyst?

Patient: That’s it!








Doc:  What do you call it if you fall after thanksgiving?  The tryptophan tripped and fell…  What! That was good!







Nurse: Oh, I didn’t know you were left handed

Patient: Well, I whack off with my right

Nurse: Ah.  Thanks for that.







Patient (after swallowing 4 baby aspirin): You know, these would be better if they were bacon flavored.






Nurse:  Sorry.  You were born very weird, not my problem.






Doc:  Just because someone’s pooping out their pee hole does not mean they’re dying.






Nurse:  Brandt, you’d be really fun on drugs.

Me:  Thank you?




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