ER Quotes: Episode 13

Some random things overheard around an ER.




Chief Complaint: “Unresponsive. No Other Complaints.”






Nurse (about patient screaming from their hangnail pain): “Dr. Ama. Paging Dr.Ama…”



Inebriate in Hall (screaming): “I have an idea. Wait. No. I THINK I have an idea!:






Nurse: The patient has a has photophobia, a headache, and thinks they’re a vampire
Doc: Well… photophobia in a vampire just makes sense. Right?



93 year old patient: “Just because there’s snow on my roof don’t mean there’s not fire burning elsewhere!”



PA: “My favorite is when Papa John’s has BOGO and I get two for myself. Then I crush them both.”






Doc: How’d you get hurt.
Drunk guy: I fell off the roof
Doc: Why were you on the roof?
Drunk guy: That’s where the beer was.




Doc (to pharmacist): Is Nicardipine your favorite thing in the world?
Pharmacist: Vodka is my favorite thing in the world.






Doc: Yay! I’m going to the bathroom to go celebrate my discharge… Uh, of my patient.






Doc (to patient): So. Um, at what point did you think putting breakfast foods in your vagina was a good idea?






Nurse: “What’s the difference between a 3-Musketeers and a Milky Way?”
Scribe: “3-Musketeers are a piece of shit.”
Nurse: “Gotcha.”






Patient: “I think I’m going bald. Do you think I have cancer?”
Doc: “Wow. Um, it doesn’t really work that way…”






Nurse: “The patients penis is just one giant slit open all the way along the bottom.”
Doc: “That just makes both of my heads hurt.”






Patient: “I’m really depressed about not getting my meds refilled. My plan to hurt myself is to overdose.”






Nurse (to blind patient): “I can’t give you too much medicine or it will be lights out. Oh, wait, I mean… nevermind.”






Scribe: “Hep C, is that like Pepsi?”






Doc: “Dear society. Today I wrote a work release to allow someone with diarrhea to poop frequently. This is what we’ve come to.”






Nurse: “She needs to go home and drink the shit out of that mag citrate!”




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