A fresh batch of insane quotes heard, overheard, or uttered under the breath in the ER.
PA: And it was a good night, because at the end, everyone was alive, you know, except for the dead guy.
Me: These are your legs, this is your vagina (I was drawing on a whiteboard).
Patient: They took away my Miracle marijuana card.
Plastics Resident: The goal of plastic surgery is to never have to save a life.
Patient: My medicine for my diabetes, it’s not working.
Doc: What are you taking?
Doc: I may have figured out your problem.
Doc: As a renal failure patient, do you make urine?
Doc: About how much?
Pt: (holds up three fingers) about this much.
Doc: Any history of surgeries ever?
Patient: No, none at all, just when I was a kid.
Patient: I think the problem comes from me being claustrophobic and I remember being scared as a fetus of the birth canal.
Me: Ah, that’s where your problem comes from.
Pharmacist: No! No antibiotics. She’s going to get old crazy person C. diff. Do you want that diarrhea on your hands?!
Doc: Um, no?
Nurse: Man, I’m DONE with this day. I had to go into that room and try for 10 minutes to find his penis. Can you discharge him so I don’t have to go find it again?
Nurse: You know it’s a bad night in the ER when your best behaved patient lit herself on fire.
Don’t forget to like/follow on facebook, you can quote me on that