I love my job, it provides such great stories. Sometimes I just have random quotes. Enjoy. All of these are ER related and terrible, I’ll give you a real post next Thursday. Slightly modified to protect the not-so-innocent.
Nurse: This guy was insane, psychotic, worse than meth!
Rob: Think it was bath salts?
Nurse: Well, they did find him in the shower, wet, yet fully clothed, so… maybe?
Complaint: I think it’s rectal bleeding. You don’t get that from being punched there do yah?
PA presenting case: They were nuns? Fu@k, I didn’t know they were nuns!
Patient: Can I get some dilaudid?
Me: Haldol? Sure you can.
On signout from partner: The patient thinks he is receiving transmissions from outer space so I gave him the anti-transmission dose of geodon
A belligerent patient had been cursing at the nurse every time she walked near the door and ripping the pulse oximiter off her finger, setting off the monitor.
Nurse: I’m done going down there every 2 minutes. A little anoxia will do her some good.
Me: I’m sick of hearing about how fantastic you are after doing 500 Kegel exercises. I have been doing them for weeks, the only thing I can do is make amazing poo sculptures. Seriously, I can control my release like a lathe.
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