ER Quotes #1

I love my job, it provides such great stories.  Sometimes I just have random quotes.  Enjoy.  All of these are ER related and terrible, I’ll give you a real post next Thursday.  Slightly modified to protect the not-so-innocent.

Nurse:  This guy was insane, psychotic, worse than meth!

Rob:  Think it was bath salts?

Nurse:  Well, they did find him in the shower, wet, yet fully clothed, so… maybe?



Complaint:  I think it’s rectal bleeding.  You don’t get that from being punched there do yah?

Me: …no?



PA presenting case:  They were nuns?  Fu@k, I didn’t know they were nuns!



Patient:  Can I get some dilaudid?

Me:  Haldol?  Sure you can.



On signout from partner:  The patient thinks he is receiving transmissions from  outer space so I gave him the anti-transmission dose of geodon



A belligerent patient had been cursing at the nurse every time she walked near the door and ripping the pulse oximiter off her finger, setting off the monitor.

Nurse:  I’m done going down there every 2 minutes.  A little anoxia will do her some good.



Me:  I’m sick of hearing about how fantastic you are after doing 500 Kegel exercises.  I have been doing them for weeks, the only thing I can do is make amazing poo sculptures.  Seriously, I can control my release like a lathe.




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