Babies and Other Hazards of Forgetting a Condom

I recently attended a Bare Naked Ladies concert.

First, they were absolutely amazing.  The group engaged the crowd, we laughed, we sang, we danced, it was fantastic.  They sang songs from my childhood (if I had a million dollars…) and my wife and I had many a large smile on our faces.

Insert clever transition about boobies here.

I also have to see bare naked ladies at work.  Unfortunately, the vast majority of ER BNLs come in leaking or oozing from parts down below.


Thus, I present:

The top 10 reasons to always use protection (a condom)

#10.  Babies.  If you aren’t using protection, you are trying to get pregnant.  I literally said this to a patient in residency and got in trouble for it.  But, how is it untrue?  If you are responsible enough to have sex, you are responsible enough to use a condom.  Remember #10 when you get to #1, cause babies cause changes.



#9.  “Sisyphus” from Greek mythology was a deceitful king who was punished by pushing a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll to the ground and have to start all over.  Syphilis is a punishment to promiscuous non-condom users.



#8.   HIV/AIDS – seriously, be careful, use a freakin’ condom.  Also, not funny.

#7.   Odor of infection.  Essence of bad sushi is not a perfume men desire


#6.   Ghana is a beautiful country in Africa.  Gonorrhea, not so much.


#5.   You never want to have a friend tell you “aw, dayam, you gotta go home and change ’cause you’re creaming”  (true story (gross)).

#4.   What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas . . . except Herpes.  Or babies.  Or . . .


#3.   It’s nice to have men at your service, not at your cervix.


#2.   The saying is “happy as a clam.”  No one says “happy as chlamydia.”  Unless your name is Chlamydia.  And you are happy . . . despite your name.


#1.  After you have a baby, things stretch.  A lot.  You don’t want anyone referring to your vagina as a wizards sleeve.


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