I recently attended a Bare Naked Ladies concert.
First, they were absolutely amazing. The group engaged the crowd, we laughed, we sang, we danced, it was fantastic. They sang songs from my childhood (if I had a million dollars…) and my wife and I had many a large smile on our faces.
Insert clever transition about boobies here.
I also have to see bare naked ladies at work. Unfortunately, the vast majority of ER BNLs come in leaking or oozing from parts down below.
Thus, I present:
The top 10 reasons to always use protection (a condom)
#10. Babies. If you aren’t using protection, you are trying to get pregnant. I literally said this to a patient in residency and got in trouble for it. But, how is it untrue? If you are responsible enough to have sex, you are responsible enough to use a condom. Remember #10 when you get to #1, cause babies cause changes.
#9. “Sisyphus” from Greek mythology was a deceitful king who was punished by pushing a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll to the ground and have to start all over. Syphilis is a punishment to promiscuous non-condom users.
#8. HIV/AIDS – seriously, be careful, use a freakin’ condom. Also, not funny.
#7. Odor of infection. Essence of bad sushi is not a perfume men desire
#6. Ghana is a beautiful country in Africa. Gonorrhea, not so much.
#5. You never want to have a friend tell you “aw, dayam, you gotta go home and change ’cause you’re creaming” (true story (gross)).
#4. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas . . . except Herpes. Or babies. Or . . .
#3. It’s nice to have men at your service, not at your cervix.
#2. The saying is “happy as a clam.” No one says “happy as chlamydia.” Unless your name is Chlamydia. And you are happy . . . despite your name.
#1. After you have a baby, things stretch. A lot. You don’t want anyone referring to your vagina as a wizards sleeve.
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