Meetings are like Civil War reenactments. You do the same thing over and over, until you almost die and then everyone goes home.
Ok, maybe they’re not that bad, but I hate meetings. They are a necessary evil, but sometimes logic takes a bus to crazy-town.
At my most recent ER meeting, I learned something. If you sit on your hand for 35 minutes, then slap someone in the face, it feels super-weird.
I also learned that things that work must be made complicated so someone in bureaucracy feels like he/she is helping.
Our incoming ambulance traffic used to be simple.
Priority 1 = Something seriously bad is coming in.
Priority 2 = Someone in the gray zone is coming in, keep your eyes open.
Priority 3 = This lazy sloth became bored and accidentally hit the 911 button on their phone, then figured, meh, I’m not doing anything today anyways, let’s go see what’s playing in the ER.
This system worked perfectly. Yes, from time to time, we had a priority 3 that was sicker than expected, and we sometimes had a priority 1 that was not actively dying. But the system worked well. No one complained. Never since being a physician did a single person ever utter “boy, I sure wish this were more needlessly complicated.” Thus, the bureaucracy decided “to help,” and, as always, idiocy won out.
We now have (I wish I were lying here):
Priority Echo red, Delta yellow, Charlie yellow, Bravo green, and Alpha green.
This is true.
I’d love to go into what the hell that all means, but I have no clue.
I know Echo is bad, Alpha is good, and in the middle remains the former priority 2.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame EMS for this crap. I love all the of the EMS workers, they do an awesome job getting patients in quickly, but the new system seems utterly insane.
Why do we change things that are already working?
And speaking of things that don’t make sense. We have a new code overhead. As of right now, I know two codes in the ER.
“Code Blue” means someone died.
“Code Red” means that someone was just smoking in the stairway.
“Code silver active shooter” means theirs an active shooter. Yes the quotes are right. They actually say “code silver active shooter.”
Shouldn’t they just say “active shooter?” Or “Code get the hell off floor 3?” I mean, why use a code if you are going to say what the code is.
Didn’t I see this in Megamind?
Should we just start saying “Code” whenever we want attentions for the next statement?
Code I’m going to have to check that out.
Code but first I’m getting nachos.