Brandt’s Rants is a quarterly column in ACEP News magazine. It focuses on the lighter side of the insanity seen on a daily basis in the ER.
30,000 Feet of Pillows, Poo, and Peril
All Ye Who Enter Abandon Logic
Twas the Night Before Christmas
Remember to Take your Vicomins
Rolling in Agony Like a Chinchilla
Hover over drop down menu to see them all
Thank you soooo much for writing that wonderful Article and in addition how you felt about yourself and how we all can feel alone etc and how we beat ourselves up and etc etc I would love to talk more to you if at all possible! BTW I can only Hope to have A Fantastic Dr like You! I suffer from CFS Fibromyalgia RA OA Psoriatic Arth. It seems between the weather my stress level trying to do things dealing with my 85 yr old Mom who lives with Me maybe age Maybe a lot of things I also need knee replacement I know there are so many other people in the world suffering worse than me but I believe you can understand ! Thank You for your time! God Bless
I had a similar experience to yours in “The Curse of the Colon” with some notable differences.
I was in college getting on an elevator with my brother after a long afternoon of tailgating at a Michigan State football game. We had feasted on a bounty of hot wings, brats with kraut, baked beans, and plenty of beer ( I did mention that this was at MSU, right?). When the elevator doors slid shut, The Beast Within escaped my colon silently but not without notice. My brother’s eyes widened suddenly and he tried to cover his face with his shirt but his futile effort was no match for what was now The Beast Without. He was panicking because he was trapped and possibly dying so he tried to do something, ANYTHING to survive. He did what any semi-intoxicated college student would do in that situation: Stop, Drop, and Roll. Granted, it was the wrong response to this particular emergency but I give him credit for creativity. Maybe he was trying to find breathable air below the pollution. Actually, in retrospect, he may have been having a seizure or at least a pseudo seizure. I was grateful he did not, however, have incontinence, although it would not have mattered much at that point.
Suddenly, the elevator stopped at a floor below our destination. As the doors parted, I was horrified to see four sorority girls waiting to get in. Thankfully, I did not know them so I stepped over my brother’s prone body and, turning back to him as I walked away, said “That was disgusting. You are a terrible human being!” The girls were confused by this but piled into the elevator before the doors shut again. Through the closed aluminum doors I heard “Oh! My! God!!!!!!” and then the screaming began. It only lasted the time it took to reach the next floor but the memory of it still haunts me.
It was not my proudest moment. But it was close.